Down!!

Down!! i feel ackward..pelik lain mcm.. even mr.brasco try 2 cheer me up. still aku down. even he tried 2 give +ve tot n motivation. still i'm feeling down!! maybe coz nk demam kot. semlm b'ujan balik dr beli groceries. tried looking at few mini/super market tuk cari susu miya tp xdpt yg standard price like tesco. nk ke tesco dh jauh sgt. so, aku heret mr. brasco fr 1 shop 2 another.. cian dia.. last bile dpt, n i'm relief. f-ter dinner wif him kt area umah aku, kitorg hang out lg.. nothing happen!! nothing happen??? hahaha.. what should happen ek?? tatau lor.. mdnite, came back home n tdokn ank2. ibu admitted kt pantai. miya cried in her sleep cz she misz her mom n aku plak yg rasa d'sayat2. ni br jg ank buah, klu ank s'diri nanges cmni gn aku2 skali ikot nanges.. wakaka.. perangai cm antu, jln cm org nk g gaduh, bhs kasar tp sensitif x ilang2 dr jiwa aku.. last2 t'tdo smbil pelok miya. mmg xsedar giler cz ngantok sgt2. adik nk susu pun cik jaja yg bangkit g buat susu. aku dh xsedar diri dah.
actually tis feeling dh rasa few days ago. aku gatal sgt g kuor gn 'bird'. odw back home aku clarify bout d relationship. mula2 sj nk maen2 but it getting serious. aku tnye bout status aku pd dia..''am i ur chicks or ur girl?'' i need a stand, eventhough xkawen tp atleast aku tau status aku.. tp bird xleh kasi jwpn. what he says is dia nk kna jg perasaan family, nk timbang perasaan org lain. ''weyh,abes tuh!! aku ni hati batu ker? xde perasaan ker?'' as what he said, he will decide nxt yr n aku just jwp 11yrs of relationship, still aku xleh dptkn dia w/pun aku cuba nk wat baek gn family dia specially mama dia. fr a lite2 topic, la ni dh jd heavy. n it effect me. effect my feeling, my mood even my attitude. aku dh share feeling ni gn mr.brasco n he said, ''just cut it off. forget bout him. go out n find another guy tat suit u''. sapa ek? who's d unlucky guy yg dpt aku? wakaka..ntah ler!!
as for now, aku nk kja kuat2, kja giler2 selagi mampu. i'll give my self 6yrs to clear all hutang piutang gn family specially bonda. n then i wanna take a long rest.. d deepest sleep, cz slame ni aku xpenah cukup tdo n rest. byk maen!! i try 2 work it out. InsyaAllah. sok aku mc, wakaka...pakwe aku yg nk kna masuk klinik aku plak yg mc. xpe ler..demi yg t'syg. weekend balik port dickson lepak gn ayah bonda. sunday evening movie date gn mr.brasco. simpson movie? wakaka..layan katun, leh release tension. naikkn mood. naik mood? nnt jd lain pulok..aku girl n he's guy... ops..xmor citer pjg.. da..tired ngadap pc jerk.. taking care to myself : babyarisha - dearest baby of mr.aris n mdm hasanah.